Monday, January 30, 2012

Reopening this Blog

Apologies to my readers. I felt I needed to close this blog while I adjusted my attitude. I was heading towards depression and feeling extremely worn from the battle. Since I don't like asking for help or talking to people, I felt like a burden and needed to hide for a while. 


My plan, as shaky as it was, actually worked. Somehow I managed to pull it off. I used my Redgage earnings to put gas in the car, my ebay earnings to buy a few groceries, and my Gather earnings to update my Clixsense account back to Premium so I'll get more cash outs there. I've used my childcare earnings and what my stbx gives me to save and today, that part of the journey we've all been waiting for, begins ~ 


Today I'm hoping to look at a few homes with extremely low rent. I'm not expecting to see much, but in my opinion if the area is safe (which most around here are), there is no propane gas (I don't trust it), will let us keep Penny (she's such a joy to have), and the home is livable( considering I was underground for 6yrs, my standards aren't quite as high as most), I'm going to put down deposit and hopefully return with keys in hand or a contract. 


Everything small is packed and since I have no truck and my helpers each have busy lives, I may be moving with what I can fit in my car. We have sleeping bags - we'll live. 


My tween isn't feelin' this and I feel bad for her but at the same time I have to be the mom and dad here. I understand that every time she meets new friends her dad moves us. Those days are done. I don't intend on moving until I am financially stable, so whatever we end up with, I get the challenge of turning it into a home. We've never really had that "home" feeling. I forget what it feels like to have curtains or a kitchen table. 


The parents of the boys I keep, are moving soon also and will be giving us first pick at the stuff they don't need. I know for sure this means a kitchen table, possibly a bed frame and box springs, and who knows what else. It's nice to know someone cares. Truly it is! 


I've been trying to store up groceries, (I imagine a squirrel with both cheeks puffed out from carrying so many acorns LOL). Oh, I have to keep myself laughing so I don't waste much time on crying. My close friends work hard to keep me laughing and I love them for it! I'm trying to eat very little right now so that when we move, we won't need to buy much. I have all of my staple foods for "from scratch" cooking and some frozen fruits and veggies. Basically all I need is a few dairy and meat products, and I need to buy a Brita if my stbx won't let me take one of the two that are here. 


He's supposed to purchase all of our needs when we move. So far I have a new pots and pans set, Bunny has a new bike helmet (for tornado protection), and he's paying the moving expenses - hence me moving earlier than planned. Yup he's paying us to leave. He's looking for work in other states and just like that, he walks out of his daughter's life. I do not understand how he can leave such an amazing, bright, beautiful, and precious girl! I never will and I don't think she will either. 


I love my true friends who I know have been rocks through this ordeal, but there are always those ones. Ya know, the ones who like to spread gossip. I think the current rumor is that I brought this upon myself being unfaithful - people will believe what people want to believe. There's also a very hurtful rumor that came back to me, complete with threats - oh but I won't go there. I look at the usual suspects.....family....and I smile and say "God knows" and hope that my tiny circle of true friends know me better than that. 


And now, as I try to shake this dark cloud that's been hovering over my head and blocking me from seeing the cold yet clear blue sky overhead, I humbly ask that my fellow internet buddies old, new, unknown, well known, who would like to help, would follow me on twitter and click on the little links I post. The views add up and trust me - without my online work - we flat out will  not make it as is. I will have to go back to work full time and be under the constant care of doctors again :(  The prescriptions alone (with insurance,which I don't currently have) would make us homeless. Working from home I'm able to rest as needed and not over extend myself.  


My Twitter https://twitter.com/#!/ImagesbyLis

Find me on Gather - lmephotography
Redgage - mrslisae


or just remember us in prayer


Sincerely,
Lisa Marie, Bunny Marie, and Penny (hmmm maybe we should make her Penny Marie? ) 



Bunny,designed, and made this hat herself using scraps. Amazing child! 
I love this shot of Penny peeking around the ent. center. Poor little thing is so cold her nose is turning pink, come on, SPRING! 

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