Monday, January 2, 2012

How am I doing?

I get asked this question a lot, more so now than I did before. I'm not a good liar and I don't like wearing fake smiles. If I'm down most intelligent people will pick up on it. So when asked how I'm doing, I usually say "okay". That's about all I can muster up most times. Physically, any act of driving or staying on my leg very long is tiring and when you add in the emotional stress of everything going on in my life, most of the time I respond "okay" its code for "completely overwhelmed but not wishing to burden anyone." 


With the announcement coming just before Christmas, I had little time to have an honest reaction before the distraction of Christmas and family quickly took the reigns. I was on auto pilot for a week and then I decided that I needed to doing some study work. The one thing I never thought would happen to me, was divorce. I always thought it was so sad to see a marriage die, even celebrity marriages, I pitied their downfalls and now? 


My first course of action, after crying my eyes out on the shoulder of a dear friend, was to read. I don't know how to do divorce. I didn't know how to do assault survivor or brain injury either, but I really don't know how to do divorce - still don't. I'm learning though. The first books on my reading list were as follows.


The Money Answer Book - Dave Ramsey 
But I Didn't Want a DIVORCE - AndrĂ© Bustanoby 
The Total Money Makeover - Dave Ramsey
Growing Through Divorce - Jim Smoke 


I read the first book on the day I bought it. I know I'll be referencing with it for years to come. I have not gone through Dave Ramsey's second book at this time. I'm waiting until work picks up again (off for the holidays) and I have money to makeover. 


I find it ironic that in chapter 8 of "But I didn't..." one of the first suggestions for warding off loneliness is reading. I never realized how much I missed reading. I would hit the floor running and spend my days serving. I cooked and cleaned and ran errands and tried to make sure there were no dirty dishes on the right side of the sink, every water filter was refilled after each use (except the last one because then the water would be warm when he came in), a full course meal on the table by the time he came in but making sure it wasn't too early in case he failed to call that he'd be late and then it was too cold or too this or too that. Nothing I've done has been good enough since our first year of marriage. I've held on for almost 14 years trying my best to please him and NOW?!? 


Now I'm rather enjoying my reading time....


 "But I didn't..." offers some sound Biblical understanding of divorce and it's many under currents and after shocks. I devoured it during the week, finishing last night, and am now moving onto to my next book, " Growing Through Divorce". I've only read a few pages, but anything that talks about growing instead of "going through" is something I want to read about! 


Since I have all of this reading time, I'll be offering my once read books here if anyone is interested in purchasing them at a 50% discount + shipping. Message below if interested. I'll get out my scale and figure exact shipping to where ever you need it to go.


I will not be selling "The Money Answer Book", but I will pass on "The Total Money Makeover" (without any writing inside) once I go through it in the coming days. 


All in all, despite seemingly endless tears at times, and a great deal of confusion and being overwhelmed by things I now have to learn that he always did (tech stuff), I'm doing a little better than "okay" today :) Monday's excite me and Monday's before 3am thrill me! I'm ready to begin a new week, set new goals, and move forward a few more inches in this journey. 


"But I Didn't Want A DIVORCE" - AndrĂ© Bustanoby 
answers the practical and biblical questions raised by the specter of divorce and redemptively seeks to bring healing for the emotional pain of divorce.


$5.00 + exact shipping to be determined - like new - read once - no writing - no marks - no dog ear pages - 2 pages slightly crinkled upon purchase- a really good book if like me, you didn't want it and you don't know how to do it - message below if interested-


A Very Happy New Year to my Readers & Happy Monday! 







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