Things I will not miss

The big day is drawing near. I took today to get all the utilities connected with the internet scheduled for next week. As moving day draws near, and my marriage dissolves, I've been pondering things that I absolutely will not miss when I'm finally out of this situation.


Here's my partial list


I will not miss..........
hearing that the dishes are on the wrong side of the sink again


listening to the ongoing rant about me dropping out of writing school to care for our daughter's special needs years ago and how I still owe him for paying that tuition.


hearing that I never worked a day in my life - puhleeeze! 


him telling our daughter to never be like her mommy unless she wants to be an uneducated, worthless loser :( 


him fussing constantly at our daughter for just about anything short of breathing 


the sound of slamming doors at midnight


the sound of slamming doors at 5am


the sound of slamming doors at various other hours 


hearing about how we ate his food, drank his drink, went into his room, etc..


that collection of holes in the walls over the years and that fear that maybe this time that fist will make contact if I don't duck fast enough 


being blamed for being sick


being blamed for being in pain


being belittled 


being treated like a child


living with someone who was only happy when he was playfully and hurtfully making jokes about my brain injury, weight, body, etc... :( 


lying in a queen sized bed alone knowing that he was camping by the ocean because he said i wasn't worthy of a vacation since he worked for a living


hearing that! "I work for a living".......oh gosh that got old......


being kept away from talking to anyone, visiting anyone, or going anywhere 


having his friends tell me that I'm nothing like the fat, ugly, lazy, slob he made me out to be :( or worse yet, being shocked to discover he was even married :( :( 


and because this list could go on and on and on forever....this morning sums it up..


"Why the frik am I one egg short? Who ate one of my eggs? I'm supposed to have 3 but I only have 2!" being yelled at me at 3am.....


~Things I will miss~


I never felt completely alone. I always had the security of  knowing that every once in a while, he would have a good day and come home in a good mood. It was rare, but some how I convinced myself that it was all I was worth, so I loved with my whole heart, whether it was returned or not. I'll miss having that other half to pour my love into.