~Learning its good to have Friends~

Over time, I am learning that its good to have friends. I hadn't realized how isolated my marriage had me. I wasn't really encouraged to have any relationships outside of my marriage and that relationship only consisted of what I could do for him. He monitored phone calls, the gas in my car, and held all the money in the bank so I would have to ask for anything I got. 


Since the separation, I've been more open to meeting friends. I talk more,even to the teller at the bank or the cashier at check out. I talk more. I talk more online. I talk more on the phone. I talk more all the time and yes a little to myself ;) 


I'm finding it easier to look myself in the mirror. I don't know if any of my long time readers remember a series called "Face in the Mirror" but I assure you I did not describe it in a pretty manner. Now, I have people reminding me that I'm strong and beautiful, not ugly and lazy. The hateful words have been replaced (for the most part) and I am loving my life surrounded by friends.


Yesterday, things got bad. There was some shouting and slamming things around, a bowl was thrown (oops my bad), and some doors slammed. It was the words thrown that hurt the most. I left with nothing but my purse in my hand. I withdrew gas money from my bank account,and I drove to look at apartments. I found some that do not look too, too awful. I was crying hysterically to one of my dearest friends on the phone and he reminded me of a few things.


1. I am strong willed. 


This much is true. There is just no way I'd still be living today if I didn't have a strong will to survive. My friend told me that he knows me and that I am not going to settle for anything but what I want. He said that anything I'm forced to do against my will, is only temporary.


2. I am determined. 


Guilty as charged. I've always had a determined attitude about making things into what I want them to be. I couldn't change my husband, but I can sure change how I react to this divorce and my new life as a single mom. 


3. I am a survivor. 


Need I say more? Just off the top of my head I can think of abuse and accidents that I probably shouldn't have survived. I think about losing everything and living in poverty. I think about life or death decisions that I was forced to make and I made them. I'm here and that's what counts. I am indeed a survivor and I will survive this! 


So anything that has to happen right now, is simply a temporary inconvenience to what's to come. I'm facing this day with new anticipation and excitement. Whatever comes, may come, but I will get through it. 


It's great to have friends, so I'm learning!