~A New Day, A New Opportunity~

Good morning everyone, I hope you've had good sleep and awoke feeling well! I'd like to welcome you to my new blog. The changes in my life are very new and are still sinking in, but two things are certain: God is still on the throne & a new journey has begun. 


On Saturday, after my daughter and I enjoyed hours and hours of fun Christmas shopping, I arrived home to a quiet and strange behaving husband. I proceeded to ask him about our Christmas plans with his mother this year and he told me to read my email and "don't freak out". 


I ignored it and went about putting things away. Again he told me to read my email. After a third time, this time telling me to bring my laptop into our bedroom and read my email, I realized something serious was going on. I jokingly said "What? Are you divorcing me through email? What gives?"


He in turn said "yeah.....oh you were joking?"


Of course I was joking! What kind of coward divorces someone through email? Apparently he does. 


I was heartlessly informed via email, that after 13 years of me struggling to keep our marriage together, believe that God would intervene, and hoping things would get better----after years and years of being told that I'm lazy, pathetic, have no ambition, can't do anything right, and am damaged goods, among other things-----after 13 years of walking on egg shells to keep the peace----after 13 years of financial struggle, traumas, health issues, and NO emotional support ----after 13 years of being under his complete control, he now wants "more freedom".


My first instinct was that my life is over. My second thought was that I needed to reach out and find out who my true friends are because I cannot go through this alone! I reached out to the two people I believed with all my heart would help me  through that first night, and they did not let me down. I was able to leave my daughter and my dog in a safe place for the night and lean on the shoulder of another friend. That first night was filled with emotions! I was angry, confused, hurting, trying to be strong, feeling so weak. I ended up talking and crying for hours! 


My mind is still trying to sort this all out, and my heart is heavy from the burden. I am fearful of what tomorrow may bring. I know that Christmas is coming and I am angry that my husband chose to do this  now, of all times. His daughter will forever remember that day, after hours of fun Christmas shopping, that her daddy pulled the rug out from under her in an instant, with no warning what so ever! 


I have to believe that with God and a few great friends, she and I are going to make it through this. It is bitter sweet, but I am trying real hard to see this as a new opportunity and a beautiful way to end years of hardships and hurt in 2011, and move into a wonderful and exciting new 2012. It isn't easy, but I am trying.